ERIK’S STORY: First Degree to Sunni to Shi'ite

I grew up in very typical W.A.S.P.ish (White Anglo Saxon Protestant) American family. I would describe my religious upbringing as mostly non-religious—that was until my family moved into a new suburb where there was a very nice Lutheran Church. I can remember at 15 years of age when my parents signed me up for confirmation class, and all that I could think about was of the large sum of money that I would receive from my relatives when I had finished. I was certainly not the prime student they would have wanted. I was always trying to find ways to push the buttons of my teachers and, most especially, of the pastors when they came to answer questions that the students might have. I remember specifically asking a question about the Christian stance regarding homosexuality. I asked how they can condemn this act when it is only condemned in the Old Testament, and there is nothing specific to it in the New Testament. The Pastor tried to reassure me that there was something in the New Testament, and he would find it and get back to me, but he never did. The contradictions started to mount, and whatever faith I had left was dissolved—I refused to believe that God could be a man and that by believing in the doctrine of blood atonement, I was free of sin. I still went through the confirmation process and was finally baptized when I was 16 years old, only so I could receive the gifts of money that my relatives would pour on me. It was not belief or submission to God that led me to fulfill this confirmation of faith, but greed of the worldly things that I could consume after it was over.

After I had been confirmed I decided that I was going to find the correct religion for me. My family has a very strong connection with our roots in Germany, so I thought I would find information on the religion of my Germanic ancestors. I found a book called the Niebelungenleid which told stories of heroes and heroines of the ancient Germanic lands. I could see an affinity within it to other European mythologies; although it still did not speak to me. I searched other religions, other mythologies. I tried to work in a frame of the New Age, Neo-Pagan style belief system because I believed that was the religion of my ancestors. I went so far as to join a Neo-Pagan group studying different aspects of the religion. When I started this intensive study I found Jewish Mysticism known as Qabalah and a mystical system known as Hermeticism which led me on the path of monotheism. To receive the title of First Degree in the group, one prerequisite was that we had to choose a pantheon of Gods and Goddesses. I searched through the Greek gods, the Samarian gods, Akkadian gods, Egyptian gods, Hindu gods, and Gods of the Vodoun. Yet none of them seemed worthy to be my gods, none seemed to be better than any other and they were all just like each other, only different in their cultural constructs. Then one day one of my friends handed me a book called the Kyballion, which is, more or less, a manual on Hermeticism. In the Kyballion there is a chapter called “THE ALL.” In this chapter it reads,

THE ALL must be INFINITE, for there is nothing else to define, confine, bound, limit or restrict THE ALL. It must be Infinite in Time, or ETERNAL,-it must have always continuously existed, for there is nothing else to have ever created it, and something can never evolve from nothing, and if it had ever "not been," even for a moment, it would not "be" now,-it must continuously exist forever, for there is nothing to destroy it, and it can never "not be," even for a moment, because something can never become nothing. It must be Infinite in Space-it must be Everywhere, for there is no place outside of THE ALL-it cannot be otherwise than continuous in Space, without break, cessation, separation, or interruption, for there is nothing to break, separate, or interrupt its continuity, and nothing with which to "fill in the gaps." It must be Infinite in Power, or Absolute, for there is nothing to limit, restrict, restrain, confine, disturb or condition it-it is subject to no other Power, for there is no other Power…In its Essence, THE ALL is UNKNOWABLE.

THE ALL must be INFINITE, for there is nothing else to define, confine, bound, limit or restrict THE ALL. It must be Infinite in Time, or ETERNAL,-it must have always continuously existed, for there is nothing else to have ever created it, and something can never evolve from nothing, and if it had ever "not been," even for a moment, it would not "be" now,-it must continuously exist forever, for there is nothing to destroy it, and it can never "not be," even for a moment, because something can never become nothing. It must be Infinite in Space-it must be Everywhere, for there is no place outside of THE ALL-it cannot be otherwise than continuous in Space, without break, cessation, separation, or interruption, for there is nothing to break, separate, or interrupt its continuity, and nothing with which to "fill in the gaps." It must be Infinite in Power, or Absolute, for there is nothing to limit, restrict, restrain, confine, disturb or condition it-it is subject to no other Power, for there is no other Power…In its Essence, THE ALL is UNKNOWABLE.

This spoke to me and was so powerful I decided that this was going to be the only God worthy of my worship. When I read this to my group, they all gave me this strange look and told me that my concept of deity was something that was “out there” and the other gods existed “down here,” but with some apprehension they accepted my explanation, and I received my First Degree. Shortly after this I was at a local bookstore looking for more books about ancient mythologies and walked out of the store after buying a book about Sufism. The Poetry of al Ghazzali, Rumi, and many more opened my heart and the next day I went out and bought a copy of the Holy Qur’an.

The Qur’an itself was the most decisive argument against the polytheistic understandings of my Pagan friends. I also started to study the hadiths of the Ahl us Sunnah and was having a hard time accepting Islam because some of the hadiths that I found seemed to go against what I thought was logical. Then I came across ayat 104 in Surat al Ma’idah which reads, “And when it is said unto then: come unto that which Allah hath revealed and unto the messenger, they say: Enough for us is that wherein we found our fathers. What! Even though their fathers had no knowledge whatsoever, and no guidance.” This made me think that if my fathers were worshipping Christ (as) and not THE ALL, and they were in error, how much more in error were my pagan ancestors? I read the entire Qur’an in a week and could not find anything wrong in what it said. I was now sure that the Qur’an was from Allah, and I was going to be Muslim no matter which hadith I disagreed with. I put off going to take my Shahada for a while until one day I knew I was going to go to a Mosque for Jumma’. Ironically, it was on the Christian festival Good Friday—it really was a good Friday. I went to the Mosque and made wudu and expressed the shahada in front of the gathering congregation, and after the Jumma’ prayers I received many hugs and congratulations from everyone. The Qur’an gave me the power to submit to Allah and also the power to overcome hardships—hardships including drug addiction.

When I was 15 years old I was already smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol with my friends. By the time I was 17 years old my drug abuse had progressed, and I was also using LSD, methamphetamines, cocaine, and just about anything that I could get my hands on. At 19 years of age, my parents, now unable to handle my situation, ordered me to leave their home. I lived on the street for four days before one of my friend’s parents took me in so I could save enough money to get an apartment. Although some people think that it was a harsh thing to do to their child, to this day I thank them for what they did. I thank them because it made me realize that I had some very important and tough choices to make. I can remember walking into drug houses and meeting the different people who were there. Later when I returned to those same houses some of the people were now in prison, and some had even been killed or had died. I stopped using what I considered to be the hard core drugs and stepped into an alcohol induced stupor that lasted about a year and ended as my journey into Islam began.

When I look back at all the things that people said to me, or quotes of different religious and philosophical works that I have read, one quote stands out that truly led me to Islam. This quote is not from the Prophet Muhammad (Salillahu Alahiy wa Aali) or any of the 12 Imams (as). In fact, it isn’t even from a Muslim. The Quote that I found was attributed to Sidhartha Gutauma, the Buddha. The quote was,

 

Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that everything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.

I tried very hard to “live up to it.”

I started to attend Jumma’ prayers every Friday after I had taken my shahada. After one such occasion, a tall, fully-bearded fellow came and introduced himself and invited me to a brother’s session where we would just get together and talk. That night I was informed what a “Real Muslim” is, according to this fellow anyhow. I was informed that Bukhari and Muslim’s Hadith collections are the only unadulterated hadith of the Prophet Muhammad (Salillahu Alahiy wa Aali) and that they were equals to the Qur’an. The only difference was that the Qur’an was the words of Allah and the Hadith that of the Prophet Muhammad (Salillahu Alahiy wa Aali). This fellow became a good friend. In this period of time my Islam was becoming difficult to maintain under the strict rules that I followed trying to be a “Real Muslim.”

I later enrolled in a class at one of the local Masjids studying under an Egyptian Shaykh who was teaching from the book Minhaj al Muslim. I enjoyed the class because I was able to see how these great scholars have come to the conclusions to which they come to. I started having some concerns with many of the topics which arose. For instance, one of the things that bothered me was the belief regarding free will and fatalism. Another was his speaking about how deviated the Sufis and Shi’ites are. This particularly hurt because if it was not for Sufism, I would not have even been there in that class learning fiqh and aqeedah. Each week I turned in my homework and each week, except one, I received a 100% score. In one of the homework sessions I had to answer a question about the early companions’ beliefs regarding the Tawhiyd of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala). In my answer I quoted Imam ‘Ali (Alayhi As Salam) from the Nahjul Balagha and was told my source was unauthentic, but my understanding was correct so full credit was given. The one question I got wrong was, “Who are the ten people who are promised paradise?” I got this wrong because no matter how much I searched Bukhari and Muslim’s collections, I could not find it.

I found it difficult to hear what the Egyptian Shaykh said about the Shi’ite, so I contacted Anjuman-e-Asghari so I could ascertain the truth about the Shi’ite. I met with Shaykh Rizwani, and he told about Imamah and about how Shi’ite scholars ascertain their conclusions logically from the sources of fiqh. He told me the story of when Bahlul Majnun challenged Abu Hanifa’s fiqh, which I found very enlightening. Shortly after the visit I reevaluated what I knew about Islam. I searched the Hadith of the Ahl us Sunnah and found many references to 12 Caliphs after the Holy Prophet Muhammad (Salillahu Alahiy wa Aali). I found a hadith in Sahih Muslim that said, “I leave behind me two weighty things, the first is the Book of Allah in which is guidance and a light. The second is my Ahl ul Bayt; do not forget your duties to Allah are in the Ahl ul Bayt.” If I were to accept these hadiths as authentic and unadulterated as the Sunni brothers do, then I had to accept the Imamah doctrine. So I did, and, once again, I have been trying sincerely to “live up to it.”
 

©2006